Post by HappyMaMa on Mar 9, 2007 22:01:11 GMT 7
When i had my 3rd miscarriage at week 8 again, i was totally devastated. i went for a blood test and the doc discovered that i had some blood disorder which caused my white blood cell to attack my feotus, thinking that it was a foreign object. there was a counter to this problem, according to the doc. but no cure to it. i had to take baby asprin everyday during my next pregnancy, and also to take a jab every alternate day.
Clement and i decided that we were just going to give it one last try. 3 miscarriages were too damaging to us both physically and emotionally. i had lost my Christianity faith after my 3rd miscarriage, and was desperately seeking for answers until i found a new faith in buddhism.
In perparation for my 4th pregnancy, i was very cautious. I went to the temple in Waterloo Street to pray very often, always asking GuanYin the same qn :" Will i ever have children?", "will my next pregnancy be successful?"
when i was pregnant again, i was so happy, yet so afraid and at the same time trying to stay calm. The daily injection was a nightmare. i am somebody who was never afraid of needles and pain, but when hubby poked the needle into my abdomen area and pressed in the medicine, my tears just flowed uncontrollably and cried out in pain. clement also cried when he saw me in such pain, and asked me to give up. but i said no, we would carry on. i am a mother and i will be able to take the pain. it happened every alternate night. and i would be shaking on the evenings i had to take my injection. i silently hoped that the more i suffered, the more chance my baby will make it this time.
When i went for checkups with they gynae, it wasnt at all optimistic. the feotus stopped growing at week 12, and no heartbeat was detected. once again, i was swept into a tunnel of eternal darkness. After my D&C, i was hopeless, lifeless and speechless. The doc did a thorough checkup and found that the cause of all the problem was that 2 of my chromosome were mutated. And my chances of conceiving was low. even if i could successfully carry it to full term, there is a high chance that the baby may have some form of disorder.
For half a year, i was like a walking corpse. i couldnt recover from the loss. i felt that inside my body, there was just emptiness. whenever somebody wanting to console me of my loss, i would cry even before i could utter a word.
During this time, Clement and i had very thorough discussion on the issue of having children. We felt that we could live happily even without children, but we also felt that life is incomplete without children. should we try again? or should we choose an althernative path? the choice to adopt came about but we were really not sure how's it like. will we love the baby as if it's our own? will the baby desert us once she found out that she is not our own flesh and blood? will our friends look at us differently because we couldnt have our own children? will our parents be supportive of this idea? there are just so many questions that we had to think through but there wasnt much avenues to seek for answers (that is why we started this forum ).
After speaking to the very helpful staff from FeiYue and an agent who has 2 adopted girls himself, we decided that YES, we will go ahead. We also consulted our parents and we had their full blessings and support.
Next qn: should we adopt from China via FeiYue, or should we go to a private agency? after weighing the pros and cons, we decided to go for the slightly more expensive private agency.
The rest of the story is quite similar to that of simone1's. The only difference was that Jaimie (my little darling) was the first baby i met. Clement wasnt even in town when the agent Mr Low called me to meet the baby! i had to ask my brother to go with me! I didnt want to ask my parents or my in laws to come along as i didnt want to be influenced by them in my decision. i just wanted to feel the baby all by myself.
jaimie was a curious baby. when i first saw her in the agency, she was turning her head left and right to check out the surrounding! she was clad in an oversized, not-very-clean jumpsuit, and had no mittens or booties. Mr Low said she just arrived 48hrs ago from JB.
I dared not love at first sight. i told myself NOT to love at first sight. i had to check out her health condition, her alertness etc. "Cannot be emotional!!" i kept telling myself. but when baby girl smiled and played with me, drank milk when i fed her, and then fell asleep in my arms... gosh, i just wanted to cry...
Jaimie is now approaching a year old. The joy and laughter she has brought to the family (not just ours, but our parents' too!) is so great that all of us loved her to the core. Sometimes i totally forgot that jaimie was adopted. it just felt like she's my own flesh and blood.
We never hide from anybody about her identity... and we dont intend to hide from her too. All our worries were unfound. our friends never look at jaimie differently, and we all love her to the bits.
But we do worry sometimes if Jaimie will be able to accept the fact that she is adopted and understand why her birth parents had to give her away. That's why Clement and i always discussed about how and when to tell Jaimie (and that's why we set up this forum ).
This is our adoption story...
I always tell people there are 3 best decisions i have made in my life:1) to get married to Clement 2) to go for lasik 3) to go for adoption.
We had never felt so complete and blissful in our 9 years of marriage than now.
Clement and i decided that we were just going to give it one last try. 3 miscarriages were too damaging to us both physically and emotionally. i had lost my Christianity faith after my 3rd miscarriage, and was desperately seeking for answers until i found a new faith in buddhism.
In perparation for my 4th pregnancy, i was very cautious. I went to the temple in Waterloo Street to pray very often, always asking GuanYin the same qn :" Will i ever have children?", "will my next pregnancy be successful?"
when i was pregnant again, i was so happy, yet so afraid and at the same time trying to stay calm. The daily injection was a nightmare. i am somebody who was never afraid of needles and pain, but when hubby poked the needle into my abdomen area and pressed in the medicine, my tears just flowed uncontrollably and cried out in pain. clement also cried when he saw me in such pain, and asked me to give up. but i said no, we would carry on. i am a mother and i will be able to take the pain. it happened every alternate night. and i would be shaking on the evenings i had to take my injection. i silently hoped that the more i suffered, the more chance my baby will make it this time.
When i went for checkups with they gynae, it wasnt at all optimistic. the feotus stopped growing at week 12, and no heartbeat was detected. once again, i was swept into a tunnel of eternal darkness. After my D&C, i was hopeless, lifeless and speechless. The doc did a thorough checkup and found that the cause of all the problem was that 2 of my chromosome were mutated. And my chances of conceiving was low. even if i could successfully carry it to full term, there is a high chance that the baby may have some form of disorder.
For half a year, i was like a walking corpse. i couldnt recover from the loss. i felt that inside my body, there was just emptiness. whenever somebody wanting to console me of my loss, i would cry even before i could utter a word.
During this time, Clement and i had very thorough discussion on the issue of having children. We felt that we could live happily even without children, but we also felt that life is incomplete without children. should we try again? or should we choose an althernative path? the choice to adopt came about but we were really not sure how's it like. will we love the baby as if it's our own? will the baby desert us once she found out that she is not our own flesh and blood? will our friends look at us differently because we couldnt have our own children? will our parents be supportive of this idea? there are just so many questions that we had to think through but there wasnt much avenues to seek for answers (that is why we started this forum ).
After speaking to the very helpful staff from FeiYue and an agent who has 2 adopted girls himself, we decided that YES, we will go ahead. We also consulted our parents and we had their full blessings and support.
Next qn: should we adopt from China via FeiYue, or should we go to a private agency? after weighing the pros and cons, we decided to go for the slightly more expensive private agency.
The rest of the story is quite similar to that of simone1's. The only difference was that Jaimie (my little darling) was the first baby i met. Clement wasnt even in town when the agent Mr Low called me to meet the baby! i had to ask my brother to go with me! I didnt want to ask my parents or my in laws to come along as i didnt want to be influenced by them in my decision. i just wanted to feel the baby all by myself.
jaimie was a curious baby. when i first saw her in the agency, she was turning her head left and right to check out the surrounding! she was clad in an oversized, not-very-clean jumpsuit, and had no mittens or booties. Mr Low said she just arrived 48hrs ago from JB.
I dared not love at first sight. i told myself NOT to love at first sight. i had to check out her health condition, her alertness etc. "Cannot be emotional!!" i kept telling myself. but when baby girl smiled and played with me, drank milk when i fed her, and then fell asleep in my arms... gosh, i just wanted to cry...
Jaimie is now approaching a year old. The joy and laughter she has brought to the family (not just ours, but our parents' too!) is so great that all of us loved her to the core. Sometimes i totally forgot that jaimie was adopted. it just felt like she's my own flesh and blood.
We never hide from anybody about her identity... and we dont intend to hide from her too. All our worries were unfound. our friends never look at jaimie differently, and we all love her to the bits.
But we do worry sometimes if Jaimie will be able to accept the fact that she is adopted and understand why her birth parents had to give her away. That's why Clement and i always discussed about how and when to tell Jaimie (and that's why we set up this forum ).
This is our adoption story...
I always tell people there are 3 best decisions i have made in my life:1) to get married to Clement 2) to go for lasik 3) to go for adoption.
We had never felt so complete and blissful in our 9 years of marriage than now.