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Post by Mayday on Mar 6, 2007 15:46:05 GMT 7
Disclosure is a big issue when it comes to adoption. Do you, or do you not tell your child that he/she is not biologically related to you?
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Post by workingmummy on Dec 18, 2007 11:05:39 GMT 7
We decided to tell our daughter she is adopted but we yet to tell and not sure when to tell?
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Post by HappyMaMa on Dec 26, 2007 21:36:59 GMT 7
Recently I have started to tell my daughter "you come from mama's heart because mama's stomach is not working". And once in a while, i will ask her "where do you come from?" and she'd reply me "mama's heart." this is my first step to tell her about her adoption background.
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Post by workingmummy on Dec 27, 2007 15:31:23 GMT 7
I also think that should start telling her as soon as possible, as she is already 2 years old yet she still can't express herself good enough, she only can talk in a single word which I think she is a bit slow in her speech... so this is why I have not started to tell her about the adoption story...
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Post by HappyMaMa on Dec 28, 2007 21:56:05 GMT 7
Actually i started telling her when she's younger. when i showed her the pics, i'd tell her "this is when mommy first saw you at Mr Low's place..." and when we were at gleneages, i'd tell her "this is where mommy brought you for your health checkup on your first day with mommy."...
What i think is although your girl may not talk, it doesnt mean she doesnt understand... ;D
btw, when is your daughter's birthday? mine is also coming to 2 years old. she is an april 06 baby.
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Post by workingmummy on Dec 31, 2007 8:02:01 GMT 7
Oh yes, she can understand what we say to her but we were just a bit worry that adoption issue may be too profound for her to understand at such a young age Wow your daughter is really fast enough to absorb this topic when she is so much younger Heehee Mine is 4 months older than yours, she born in Dec'05 and she just celebrated her 2nd birthday 3 weeks ago
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Post by Mayday on Jan 3, 2008 9:32:20 GMT 7
One school of thought wd be to start as early as possible. Even though the concept and full meaning of adoption may not be things they can grasp at this young age, at least they'd be familiar with the sounds and ideas of associated words like adoption, biological parents, adoptive parents/child etc. and wd hopefully be more receptive to them when they do reach the age when they can comprehend better.
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Post by workingmummy on Jan 3, 2008 13:18:21 GMT 7
Although my daughter is coming to 25 month old but we yet to find a school for her. We planned to enrol her to a playgroup some time in Jul this year when she is much older and able to express herself better.
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Post by Mayday on Jan 3, 2008 13:43:23 GMT 7
Same here. We are on the waiting list and hope to enrol DD to MMI this coming mth of Jun.
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Post by Mayday on Jan 3, 2008 14:31:25 GMT 7
On disclosure, between me and my wife, we are both pretty open about this. We feel that it is better to be open right from the start, rather than allow the child (when she is old enough) to sense that her parents are uncomfortable, or worse, ashamed to talk about adoption matters, and seek to conceal the fact that the child is adopted from others.
This, we feel, is the biggest hindrance to a healthy disclosure.
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Post by workingmummy on Jan 3, 2008 14:55:35 GMT 7
What about both of your parents and family members?? Are they also very supportive in disclosing the adoption issue to the child? Myself and my hubby are very sure that we will disclose to our daughter sooner or later but somehow my mum and my friends are not very supportive towards it..
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Post by Mayday on Jan 3, 2008 15:10:49 GMT 7
Both sets of parents know our position on disclosure, and we are fortunate that they stand by and do not intervene when it comes to us making such decisions.
I am not sure how they handle situations while DD is in their charge and when they are confronted with questions regarding the child. While I am quite sure that most questions can be answered without actively offering details on adoption, I am now also quite curious as to how they would respond to more probing queries, say from some kaypoh ah pek or ah sohs. Hmmm.....
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Post by workingmummy on Jan 3, 2008 16:11:14 GMT 7
Actually b4 my daughter arrived we attended a disclosure workshop held at Fei Yue, after the talk we were quite agree with the disclosure as early as possible, reason is the earlier to know her parentage background is to ensure her status so when she grown up ppl start telling her she won't be surprise to hear that... but my mum always tell me better keep it to her!! If she knew that we are not her biological parents she may not be as close to us like b4!! It's like pouring cold water to us lor especially my girl is quite rebellous since young!!! Too pampered liao!!!
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Post by Mayday on Jan 3, 2008 16:32:48 GMT 7
At the end of the day, it is you and your hubby who should have the final say lor.
Non-disclosure, we feel, is way to much of a gamble - gambling that the truth can be covered up throughout the entire life of the individuals concerned. We think it is much better to build firm and strong bonding since young and to have a closely knitted relationship with the child that is founded on love and full disclosure, rather than through concealment of the truth.
To hide the past, the adoptive parents would have to constantly live with the fear of "what would happen if she finds out somehow?". That would be too heavy a burden to live happily...
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Post by workingmummy on Jan 3, 2008 16:53:32 GMT 7
Thank you so much for your advice. We don't have much support from our family, hope we can share our point of views more to help each other in building up our confidence..
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